Saving The World Can Wait
by itsreallyreallyaspaceship
Summary: It's only coffee. You can do coffee. And then you can go back and take Claudia shopping for her birthday, like you promised. And after that, you can get Chinese takeout and take it home to eat with your family and forget that H.G. is just up the road, playing happy families with all the wrong people. Myka's POV.


You are crying in the not so sanitary bathroom of Univille's diner.

This wasn't meant to be how things turned out.

You excused yourself right after the coffee came to the table and she told you, completely off hand, that Adelaide had a kempo competition just up the road. You know that the next town 'just up the road' that stages kempo competitions is two and a half hours away. You went once, driving along the road as if on autopilot, to see if the activity could take your mind off things for a while. It didn't and you spent the entire drive back to the Warehouse in floods of tears.

The mirror in front of you shows how much you've changed in the 6 months since you saw her. Your shoulders sag even further, further than they usually do from having the weight of the Warehouse on your shoulders. Your clothes no longer fit properly and you hope she hasn't noticed. You just don't eat much more, even with Pete's insistence that you must. You can see Claudia getting more and more worried by the day. Abigail has told you countless times that if you need to, you can talk to her. But you don't want to be psychoanalysed. You just want something to go right for you, just this once.

Maybe she's it. She turned up at the B&B at 10am on a Saturday morning and asked if you weren't too busy saving the world to grab a coffee. The same coffee that's getting cold, out there on the table, across from her.

The door opens and she's standing there, in the tiny cramped bathroom, just looking at you. You can see she's just as scared as you are, but what does she have to lose? She has it all now, a partner who loves her, a little girl to replace the one she lost. And what do you have to replace what you lost? An empty space next to you in your bed and a pile of her books that you can't even bear to look at.

"Myka, darling, I wondered if you were ok."

The hardest thing is that you know she cares about you still. If she didn't care, it would be much easier to fly into a rage and scream at her for not fighting for what you thought the two of you had. But the way she looks at you, like every tear that falls down your cheek breaks her heart, disarms the rage.

"I'll be right there, give me a moment." The door closes behind her and you splash cold water on your face. It's only coffee. You can do coffee. And then you can go back and take Claudia shopping for her birthday, like you promised. And after that, you can get Chinese takeout and take it home to eat with your family and forget that H.G. is just up the road, playing happy families with _all the wrong people. _

Slipping into the booth, she smiles at you. You can't imagine what you look like now, because damp bits of hair are sticking to your face and your eyes feel puffy. You're very aware that your shirt is hanging off you and you wonder if she knows it's her fault.

"How is everyone, back at the Warehouse?"

"They're fine. It's Claudia's birthday tomorrow, we're going shopping later."

"Good, that's good."

"How are Nate and Adelaide?"

"They're…they're alright." You notice her face drop as she hesitates.

"Helena, has something happened?" You reach across the table to place your hand on hers and she jumps. That's new. She was always very tactile, especially with you. Have things changed that much in 6 months.

"Nate…he proposed. Two weeks ago." And there it was, the reason why she'd come all this way, you figured. Although she could have just called. You would have been alright with that, you try to convince yourself. You almost wish she'd called because then she wouldn't have witnessed your inevitable breakdown.

"Congratulations."

You hope that didn't sound bitter. You are happy for her. You have to be, otherwise you'll become twisted, like her, and probably steal something from work and destroy something. Most likely yourself.

"Myka…I said no."

For a second, you're sure your heart has stopped for a moment. She said no?

"You were right. That wasn't where I belonged."

"You…you said no?" You knew you had heard her right but you had to check. If she said it again, it might be real, take form.

"I said no. I moved out of the house. I drove down here and I've been building up the courage to knock on the door and ask you for that coffee."

You may have been right when earlier in the week; you could have sworn you'd seen her car driving up the main street of Univille. And then again when you'd been driving towards the Warehouse. Pete had told you that you were going loopy, but in that sympathetic way that Pete had when he spoke to you about H.G..

"You should have called."

"I wanted to work out if I should. I didn't belong there but I was not sure that the Warehouse was my home any longer. I don't know if it would welcome me back."

You've always been good at reading between the lines.

Helena knew the Warehouse would always welcome her back.

But she didn't know if the inhabitants would do the same.

"They replaced Leena."

"They did?"

"Yeah, Abigail's great. After a slightly difficult first few weeks, she fits right in. I think she likes Claudia."

"It's hard not to really, isn't it?"

"She misses you. Really misses you."

"I miss her too, I miss them all." There it was again. What about me, you wanted to scream, did you miss me when you were off trying to find yourself?

"I missed you. I spent so long trying to tell me Nate was what I wanted, that he was my truth. He wasn't. You really do know me better than I know myself."

"You should come back." The words suddenly spilling from your mouth are as much of a surprise to you as they are to Helena. Helena's been gone for so long, can she just come back and pretend like nothing happened.

"You…you really think so?"

"The longer you spend running away from your truth, the worse you feel. I know what it feels like and I don't want it to happen to you."

The filter between your brain and your mouth seems to be broken. Inviting Helena back to the Warehouse might cause you immeasurable pain. There might be another Nate, another 'One' for Helena. And you would be left alone again. However much you were used to it, it still hurt, every time.

"And my truth is?"

You hesitated. What was Helena's truth? The Warehouse? Or the two of you?

"Being an agent. Coming back to work. Solving puzzles, saving the day."

"Solving puzzles, saving the day?" Her eyebrow raises and you think you've blown it. She's over you and once she knows you're hanging on to feelings that now seem centuries old, she won't want to come back for fear of making things awkward.

"I don't mean…if you've…you don't have to…"

You used to have vocal chords that worked. And a brain that could finish sentences.

"Darling. That has always been my truth. _You _have always been my truth."

That night, Claudia screams for what feels like five minutes straight when Helena shows up for her birthday party.

You watch as Claudia opens her presents and gets exactly what she wants, because Abigail and Pete and Steve know her far better than you ever will.

She thanks you for the new outfit you bought her that afternoon and everyone drinks too much and eats the food that Artie spent all afternoon cooking.

As you and Helena leave to go to bed, you see Claudia and Abigail alone in the lounge, dancing to a slow song seeping in from the kitchen.

And for the first time in a long time, the B&B finally feels like home again.

On Monday, Helena hops into the passenger seat of your car so you can take her to work.

The tension is palpable and when you take Helena's hand once you stop outside the Warehouse, she grips so tight, her knuckles turn white.

She holds on while you walk through the umbilicus, but now it's less from fear and it gives you butterflies in your stomach.

You like the butterflies though. It's been a long time since you felt them.

When you enter Artie's office, it's empty and silent. You think you can hear the echoes of Claudia and Artie bickering from down on the Warehouse floor, but otherwise, it feels peaceful, more so than it has since Leena died.

Helena presses her lips to yours, the first time she's ever had the courage and you swear you can smell apples, even though you didn't a second ago.

A long time later, you talk to her about it while you're doing inventory and you're examining the shiny diamond on your finger.

"Why darling," she laughs, "it was the Warehouse, giving us her approval."


End file.
